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October 07

DAD EXPLAINS SEX

A father was explaining the facts of life to his son. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of love-making:

Father: "One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the act, even if you are doing the same thing."

Son: "What do you mean, Dad?"

Father: "Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, 'Are you done yet?' On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, 'Are you done already?'"

Son: "What do other women say?"

Father: "Well, a school teacher will say, 'We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!' A nurse will say, 'This won't hurt one bit.'"

Son: "I thought they said, 'Pull down your pants and bend over.'"

Father: "That's male nurses. Moving on, a bank teller will say, 'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.' A stewardess will say, 'Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.'"

Son: "And what does mother say?"

Father: "She says, 'Ohhhh tonight Harrrrryy?? I just spent $35 to have my hair done. Can't you wait till tomorrow?'"
March 31

BREAST EMOTICONS

(o)(o) Perfect breasts

( + )( + ) Fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) High nipple breasts

(@)(@) Big nipple breasts

oo A cups

{ O }{ O } D cups

(oYo) Wonder bra breasts

( ^)( ^) Cold breasts

(o)(O) Lopsided breasts

(Q)(Q) Pierced breasts

(p)(p) Breasts w/hanging tassels

(:o)(o) Bitten by a vampire breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) Flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| Android breasts

(/)(o) Scratched breasts (ouch)

(%)(o) Extra nipple breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

(^o)(o) Zit on your breast

( o Y o ) Poses for Playboy magazine breasts
February 05

Valentine Love Symbols

There is no better way than to express your love for your special one through romantic Valentine symbols. These Love symbols speak volumes about your love and are mostly successful in conveying your message in the best possible way. Given below are popular Love symbols for Valentine's Day that should be helpful in giving you ideas of which symbol to be used for your beloved.
Rose
The Rose has been the messenger of love for ages now. They are a great way to tell your beloved how much they mean to you and how much you love them. During the month of February, the long stemmed red roses are so much in demand that people book bouquets in advance in case they don't get one on Valentine's Day! The color of rose also is important in sending your message across. You wouldn't want to send wrong signals to your beloved by giving her a yellow rose, which stands for friendship! Similarly, white rose stands for true love, pink stands for appreciation, dark red stands for unconscious beauty, etc. A thornless rose means 'love at first sight'.
Heart
The Heart is considered to be the seat of love. The heart also signifies 'life'. The heart is important for sustaining life, just as love. Most lovers prefer substituting the word 'love' by a heart. This should give you an idea as to how important this symbol is and the volume it speaks of your love for your someone special. During Valentine's Day, lovers gift each other heart shaped pillows to express their love. Also popular are heart shaped cakes, which are a rage during the month of February.
Cupids
You must have often seen this little winged boy carrying a bow and an arrow, with a mischievous smile on his face. This little winged boy is the Cupid. The Arrows that Cupid carries signify desires and emotions of love. The naughty Cupid aimed those arrows at Gods and humans, causing them to fall in love. Cupid has always been a popular symbol in the celebration of love. He was known as Eros, the young son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, in ancient Greece. Cupid was Goddess Venus' son to the Romans.
Love knots
A popular romantic symbol of love, Love knots in the Celtic design are the most popular and are traditional symbols of love. It is said that these love knots originated from the Irish. Young women in stringent Muslim in Arab households used to send their messages of love to young men by these love knots that were woven in carpets. This concept of love knots continues to this date and is quite popular.
Love Birds
On this romantic day, it was supposed that birds found their mates. Love struck people all over the world still cherish this belief and symbolize love with a cute image of two love birds snuggling with each other on a tree branch. The most popular lovebirds that signify this belief are the two adorable blue colored lovebirds. It is believe that these lovebirds can't survive without their partners. Apart from these love birds, doves and swans are also popular symbols of birds that signify a pure and an eternal relationship.


January 14

REALITY


A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "Let's make a demonstration out of this. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we're living with a couple of whores."
July 30

Love you

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.Wink